Hofstadter's Law, preparation, and patience

things always take more time than you think, especially the good things

“5 minutes away!”

You look down at your phone and read the inevitable, taking another sip of your room temperature water as your eyes raise to the surrounding room, analyzing the ornate wall decor. It will be ten minutes. Or at least seven. But not five, never five.

Now you'll have time to imagine the backstories of the older couple at the bar and the man sitting alone at the table in the back corner. And you can read the menu twice.

Oh, you should also know… the furniture that’s getting delivered between 10am and 2pm tomorrow? It will arrive at 7pm. And the Uber that is three minutes away will take a wrong turn and be there in eight.

Close to the top of my goals list for this year is to have more patience.

The key to patience, I’m learning, is knowing and accepting that things are going to take time. A long time. Sometimes longer than you want them to. And the awareness of this means you can plan for it.

But just how long will it take?

Here is the secret: Everything takes longer than you think it will. Everything. Even in a world of alleged instant gratification and immediacy. The things that are worth it will take time. Enter Hofstadter's Law:

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

A fun law to analyze — a law that is self aware. Referring to itself. A self-portrait where the artist is painting an image of themself painting an image of themself. It requires a loop of self awareness and adjustment.

From my point of view, this law is expectation management. And also gives me pause to assess risk and potential obstacles in every situation. When applied well, I can plan ahead and live a much less stressful existence. Leaving room for error. Because error is inevitable. I like to apply this in long-term and short-term ways.

Let’s start with the short term. What if when leaving to go somewhere, you aimed to arrive ten minutes early?  Or instead of waking up with just enough time to get ready, you woke up with an extra hour? Weather, a late train, traffic, forgetting an umbrella, needing to turn back or pick something up along the way — a small fraction of potential obstacles that can arise and slightly derail you.

Following Hofstadter's Law provides a stress-free mentality that allows me to enjoy the “journey” of each day:

Driving to work while running late = stressful, nail biting, pit in your stomach, headache inducing, bad mood, speeding

Driving to work with ample time = relaxing, time to enjoy good music and tune out, time to think and process emotions, good mood, clear head

And if you think about it, this applies to everything. Giving yourself more time than you need increases the enjoyment of almost every experience. It makes me wonder why some people are perpetually late and never learn from their mistakes. It seems they think they can accomplish something in less time. When in reality, everything takes more.

Long-term application gets interesting. I have often used this law as a Project Manager when creating timelines but budgets. Every project will take more time AND more money than you expect. For the most part, that seems to be the trend. So what if you cushioned the timeline to give your team room to work without the pressure of a looming impossible deadline? What if you created a budget that had room for another round of edits or spending a little more than you thought? In most scenarios, not only will work-life be less stressful, but the work will be more thought-out and higher quality.

We all want everything. Now. And we want it without failure, and we want it without struggle, and we want it on a silver platter with a bow.

But that is not real life. The things that matter take time, trial, error, and work. It takes the right place, right time, and right mentality to all align.

I think about the things I want in my life. And I find peace knowing that some goals are still specs on my horizon. I can see them so far in the distance and instead of needing them to happen now, I take peace in knowing that good things take time.

Especially with my own personal development. I know I stand in my own way sometimes. And I frustrate myself because I want to grow — I want to evolve past my shortcomings. But even if I work at something every day, I need to expect the results I want in months or even years. I don’t think that is the way Hofstadter intended the law to be used necessarily, but I think it still applies.

Learning to keep going even without seeing immediate results. Learning to stay consistent even if (at times) you feel stagnant. Seeing the gratification in the steps along the way to where you are going.

And the next time you see a text that says “I’ll be there in five,” pull out a book and enjoy the next ten minutes to yourself. Be ready to use the time you are given.